Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
