Moan for me like Helen Keller
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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