plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
