i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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