I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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