His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize