I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
