Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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