Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize