Non-Jews are for practice
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize