we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
