We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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