his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
