I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
