saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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