That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize