hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
