Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
