So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
