if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
40s are totally the cure
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
