There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
