i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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