Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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