Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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