I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
