I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
