I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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