So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
