But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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