Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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