I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize