Can Purell be used as lube?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
