John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
