he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
