You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
