they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
