i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
