I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
