I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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