She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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