normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
