Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize