I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
