How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
