I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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