pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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