my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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