She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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