Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
