I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
