I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
