Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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