I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
