Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
