I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
