i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
