I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love you.
Bad choice
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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