I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize