my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
