hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
