i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
