I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
