Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
