Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
