I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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