Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
