I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
