The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
