I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
