every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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