I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
