Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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