so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize