I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
