I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
