remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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