Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
