the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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