haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
