just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
