I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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