if you like me you must not know who I am
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
