Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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