The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
