Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no you cant smoke seaweed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
