i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
