Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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