He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
