gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
