I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
