Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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