hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize