dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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