dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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