Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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