i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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