Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Someone signed my nipple.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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