But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
