just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
