I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize