Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
