he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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