In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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