No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
