Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
