oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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