I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
