Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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